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Catherine Rose's avatar

Tremendous read. I am avidly seeking understanding why it is so acceptable for many people I’ve worked with or dated to treat me with contempt because I’m white. It’s heartbreaking because these same people have also showed me respect and caring and we’ve naturally connected in so many ways. But over time as we get to know each other, instead of feeling like there’s mutual support and understanding like there would be in a healthy co-regulated symbiotic relationship, clear signals are shown that I am not deserving of sympathy or empathy when I struggle because I’m “privileged.”

On my side, I want to be and make the effort to be there for people I care about and I never measure their worthiness to receive my energy based on any external characteristic they possess, but more on how I value our relationship and how special I see them as an individual.

This article helped me find clarity in where their justification for seeing me/treating me as “deserving less” comes from. The belief that certain basic ideals like “delayed gratification” or “planning for the future” extend out to “if my white friend experiences disappointment over failing at a “white” value or happiness over succeeding at a “white” value I (as the “oppressed” not only can’t connect with that, I should turn away from it with indifference or even disgust. That is why contempt is the result.

This is an example of how racial tensions rise one degree at a time. We are all in racially diverse environments trying to work together, get to know one another, building communities and families. But our trust is only going so far. If I am offending you by “being myself” and you are responding in a way you think is appropriate because you’re offended but I don’t see myself as offensive because I’m genuinely just trying to connect, we have a big problem.

I’d love to read what you have to say about how to repair this connection and heal our misunderstandings of each other, as well as how to show people who identify more with group identity that being seen and valued as an individual better serves them.

Shreeharsh Kelkar's avatar

Great post. Re: your point about vague "reimagining." Our students have learned to write like this too. Just yesterday, I was reading my student papers and one wrote this about content moderation on social media:

"There is a need to redefine speech governance as a matter of public infrastructure rather than private discretion. Instead of trusting the “marketplace of ideas,” democratic societies should build transparent, participatory institutions that are capable of adjudicating collective and systemic harms. Only then can the digital public sphere realize the freedoms liberalism once promised."

What does this even mean?? Concretely? Nothing. But even in the abstract, it means nothing.

But students (and Chatgpt!) talk like this because this sort of talk is everywhere in progressive circles, including in academic papers.

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